RSVP—The Polite Thing to Do

I have to believe that anyone who has ever planned a function, tied the knot in front of witnesses or hosted a dinner party knows the significance of an RSVP. It takes some of the unknown out of the equation and allows the host to actually prepare for the guests.

For those of you out there under the impression that RSVP means “regrets only,” rethink. The acronym actually comes from the French phrase—répondez s'il vous plait. In Western culture, this translates to respond…yes or no, with an occasional maybe. Truly, this undertaking is not that difficult. While I know some individuals are under the impression that RSVP means “regrets only,” this is rarely the case. If a host wants to take that route, he/she will actually say “regrets only” on the invitation.

It’s much more frustrating as a hostess to worry about having too much or too little in terms of food, beverages, space, seating, etc. If you have a conflict, just articulate it upfront. Personally, I probably won’t even ask details of the conflict. You may just have a much-needed date with a book and glass of wine at home. After a demanding week or deadline, I can understand that temptation. And I won’t hold it against you. However, if I later discover you stayed at home with literary and tannin-filled companions without giving me the courtesy of a response, you will officially be entered into my inconsiderate database. And one too many of those entries will probably encourage me to not even bother with an invite in the future.

One friend recently suggested that when hosting events where responses are quite necessary for planning, I should always provide personalized favors. When an unexpected guest is relegated to returning home empty-handed, perhaps they will get the hint. While I am intrigued by the idea, I foresee two issues: 1. Most people who don’t bother with an RSVP and show up anyway are probably too clueless to understand why they don’t have a personalized favor. 2. When I do provide takeaways, I can’t help but prep extras for the unexpected.

Now mind you, I’m not perfect. I’m sure I have waited too long to respond to an invitation or occasionally forgot all together. But this tirade is for all you serial non-responders out there. The occasional lapse can easily be overlooked. And since I should probably brush up on my decorum while venting about it, perhaps today is the day to go out and buy that Emily Post etiquette book I’ve always wanted… (Or perhaps today is the day it goes on my gift idea list, Mum!)

Happy day, friends!